keeping the cat out

Our neighbor's adorable cat LOVES to come over to our house.  We started feeding her occasionally about 2 years ago, at which point she started coming over every day & meowing - trying to weasel her way in.  Since we love her, we often let her in.  

However, one day (before Mahalia could talk), while I was in the other room, she opened the door & let the cat in.  The cat bit her.  I literally kicked the cat out & that was that for over a year.  Ain't no cat gonna bite my baby!

But then she started hanging around again about 6 months ago.  Mahalia LOVES her, so now that she was a little older, we explained that she had to move slowly & be extra careful around the cat . . . and gradually, the cat made her way back in again.  But then - about 2 weeks ago (again, while I was in the other room) - the cat bit Mahalia (but HARD this time).  That was that - NO MORE.

However . . . Mahalia LOVES the cat (have I mentioned that).  She begs me literally EVERY day to let her in.  She explained to me that the cat said she was sorry & wouldn't do it again.  I told her that was nice, but we still weren't letting the cat back in.  She then explained to me that she forgave the cat.  The kid got me thinking, but then it occurred to me that the cat is a LOT like people in life . . . 

 . . . if you prove to be an unsafe person, I've gotta keep you away from my kid (& me for that matter), and from me - even if you apologize . . . even if I love you dearly . . . even if you say you won't do it again.  It's my job as a parent to protect my kid (& myself) - even when she doesn't want me to.  The cat stays out.

pet peeve

I had the weirdest day . . . punctuated by someone making reference to them knowing what God was speaking over my life & insinuating that I wasn't paying attention to God nor being obedient.  Yep - that's my pet peeve, alright . . . that & being "Bible-versed."  Anyone feel me?

test

Got the generic email today, saying that I didn't get the job.  I have to admit that I really liked the place & the people seemed amazing.  But I feel like I've passed the test.  And by test, I mean . . .

God has been taking me on a journey of obedience - not just in action, but in attitude.  Seems like he's had me all over the map these last few years . . . take your kiddo to work, now put her in school part time, then stay home full time.  Now teach some salsa.  Ugh - but the gigs got cancelled.  So do some consulting.  Oops!  Now put her back in school & work for Dan.  Wait a minute - now apply for some jobs.  Then don't get any of them!  And then get 2 new salsa gigs in the same week!

And surprisingly, I feel good.  I feel like God's question to me has been: Do you trust me?  Yes.  I do.  I trust you 100%.  I'm not entirely sure what's going on.  But I trust you.  I trust you even when I look foolish . . . and that seems to be happening a LOT lately!

done

I feel invigorated.  I'm one of those nutty people who gets an extra amount of "juice" from checking things off of to-do lists.  Nutty, right?!  But seriously, I feel SO good when stuff gets done.  Well, today I was able to check off a couple of major long-term projects off of the list & I'm feeling GOOD!!!  Think I'll go out & dance tonight.

I was hoping to hear back about a job possibility this week & start on Monday, but the HR person ended up being out of town all week, so no news.  But shockingly, I don't feel anxious about it . . . just glad to have a less full "to do" list & ready to enjoy a weekend with Dan & Mahalia without thinking about anything but them.

However, I did buy a couple of items for the wardrobe.  As I've been interviewing, I realize I have exactly 2 pairs of work pants & exactly 0 shirts for work.  So today, I hooked myself up with these - for a total of $52.  Not bad!  Oh - and they look much better on, than on the hanger :-)

for the love

This afternoon at dance class, we were joined by about 15 college students who are volunteering at the school for a week.  I was teaching them our routine (along with the regular children) from scratch.  They were all picking it up fairly quickly, but one guy in particular caught my attention.

He was so "into" it . . . broke out into a full on sweat!  And he was having SO much fun - dancing with abandon.  And he was really quite good.

After class, after everyone left, Richard came back in & started to ask me all kinds of questions.  Turns out he's from Minnesota too.  He has a heart of gold & is passionate about dancing.  Being a college student, he's looking for direction in life & is wondering how dance will play into that.  Regardless, he wants to be salt & light in LA.  It was a trip talking to someone 15 years younger, from the same state, but from a different race & the other gender with the exact same heart - wanting to dance for the love of it and for the love of God.

guilt

Being a White, Baptist, German, good mid-western girl, guilt is something I'm very familiar with.  

Over the last few years, I've worked hard to rid myself of useless guilt.  I've decided the only kind necessary is the momentary kind that moves me from guilt to freedom (ie. making a different choice, or just letting guilt go because it's not actually useful).  It's kinda like anger - it's a good indicator that something is being "pinged" on my internal radar, and that I need to consider whatever that thing is, but then let the guilt part go.

However - recently I've found myself being guilt-ridden.  I won't get into all of the details, because that's not the point.  Guilt is fairly universal & we've all experienced it at some point along the way (especially if you have any relationships - ha!).  The point is that guilt is no longer serving me, my friends, or my family.  Guilt is keeping me in my own little world of the mind - scrutinized, agonized & harassed.  It keeps me sad, it keeps me inactive & it keeps me from moving forward.

So today, I bid guilt farewell.  I know what I need to do & I am familiar with the trade-offs.  I can't have the perfect solution to what ails me.  "Good enough" will have to do.  Farewell guilt.  I bid thee well (well, actually I don't - good riddance!).

schizo

This last week, I've felt schizophrenic.  

I'm literally ALL over the place (physically & otherwise).  I really don't enjoy the "hair on fire" days anymore.  I used to be an expert at shoe-horning activities together like a 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle.  I could squeeze activities & tasks together with amazing efficiency.  However, cramming more in has become something I loathe.  There's been so much on my mind & plate that I actually fell asleep at 8:30 last night, on the verge of a migraine (thankfully avoided).

Here are just a few things that I've done within the last week, just to offer a taste of the extremes . .  .

• met a friend at the Emergency Room to care for her son while daughter waited to be seen
• completed online testing & went to a job interview in Glendale
• helped recruit friends for a fundraiser for a friend's film
• took treats to Mahalia's class
• met with a lawyer
• applied for & followed up on multiple jobs around town
• completed info for our website's upcoming face lift
• did laundry & dishes
• choreographed & ran through the 3.5 minute salsa routine with students for the upcoming benefit
• had a play date at the park with Mahalia's class mates in Sierra Madre
• saw my friend's new apartment in Old Town
• completed training in downtown to be a part of the prayer team at church
• hosted multiple friends for home cooked meals at our house
• booked Dan's travel to Festival of Faith & Music in Grand Rapids
• booked a salsa teaching gig at a new club here in Pasadena
• finished the paperwork for our merchant account
• managed to squeeze in a date with Dan :-)

I feel like I'm wearing so many hats every day, that sometimes I forget what the heck I'm doing.  One minute I'm doing dishes & literally the next minute, I'm on the phone with a potential employer & racing to finish their application process.

I'm also in the process of grieving the loss of being at home with my kiddo full time.  It's been a glorious (albeit not glamorous) 2 years.  What a gift . . . one that I never imagined would have come my way.  So being caught in the purgatory between motherhood, being a co-worker with Dan, applying for new jobs, and teaching gigs as they come up - all while trying to maintain friendships with those who have become so dear, has been like a circus act.  I remind myself of a comedic juggler - the kind where they drop more things than they juggle.

So my prayer has been for grace and peace.  Grace for each day, and peace in my heart.

two whole hours

I had two whole hours to myself today.  I couldn't decide what to do.  There were so many things I could've done:

• bead
• clean & organize
• read or reply to emails
• dye my hair
• apply for jobs
• call a friend

But instead . . . I just sat & played solitaire on my couch (yes - the 25 year old couch with rips in it that I let the kids jump on).  What's up with that?

no "3's"

I just finished telling Mahalia that she has to stay in bed until the clock says "3 . . . 0 . . . 0" 
 

Her response: but Mom, my clock doesn't have "threes".  Kids!

Psalm 23

The 23rd Psalm is one of the most quoted Psalms . . . often ad nauseum for those of us who don't like to get "Bible versed" by well-meaning, but overly religious folk.

I've always read Psalm 23 from a white, urban, college-educated perspective.  After getting an actual shepherd's take on it, this book REVOLUTIONIZED my understanding of this powerful Psalm.  

I have a whole new appreciation for phrases like "He anoints my head with oil."  Did you know that shepherds actually rub an oil mixture all over their sheeps' heads to keep the nasty parasites/bugs out of their noses?  

And did you know that sheep often die . . . because they get stuck upside down?  WHAT!!!???  They get so much wool & they're so NOT agile that they can get stuck upside down & die from asphyxiation.  Nutty!

If you have a few bucks & want a most excellent read, check this one out!