learning how to lead

One of the challenges of being a female salsa instructor is that we instinctively know how to follow, but we have to learn how to lead.  This has been a challenge for me & I've been reluctant to venture out on my own to really learn how to do it proficiently enough that I can actually teach it.

Over the weekend, I met a really amazing woman.  She owns her own dance studio just up the street & teaches all of her own classes (even though she has a partner).  So I asked if I could come to her classes - to watch & learn from her.  She said I could, so I went to two of her classes last night & learned SO much!  It rocked my world. 

I'm thrilled because she said I could continue to come & learn from her - and I can lead other women (cuz they're usually short of men that particular class).  I'm so grateful for her open spirit to help me out.  What a gift!

getting my grass!!!

I just got (15 minutes ago) the BEST freakin' knock on the door I've had in a LONG time!!!  The gardener, Javier, wanted to let me know that the landlord finally approved a landscape remodel for us.

I'm finally getting my grass!!!  Good things are happening for the White Hodges!!!

As many of you know, I've been pretty much begging the owner to give us grass to play in since we moved in 2 1/2 years ago.  And today is the day!!!  Here are some of the "before" shots.  Can't wait to give you the "after" shots later this week.  Have I mentioned how excited I am???!!!!

bless the pain

As I look around & see the pain of those I love, I bless the pain. 
I feel it.  I taste it.  I cry tears for it.  I bless the pain.
I long for love for the lonely.  I bless the pain.
I hope for dancing in place of tears.  I bless the pain.

For those who have lost hope, I bless the pain.
For those who don't have more tears to cry, I bless the pain.
For those who have never experienced true love, I bless the pain.
I feel it.  I taste it.  I cry tears with you.  I bless your pain.

cover up

Tonite I got some news from a dear friend that rocked me.  It was disappointing news because it's directly related to my dreams.  My initial response was anger.  But I've come to realize that most of the time anger is a cover-up for something deeper . . . something vulnerable.

So I waited to respond.  And as I waited, I was surprised to find a whole bunch of other stuff in place of anger.  I found peace.  I found gratitude.  I found loyalty.  I found love.

I'm still unclear as to how to move forward, but I'm glad it won't be with anger as my companion.

don't count

Today Dan had to appear before a judge (nothing scandalous - sorry! :-) & asked me to come along as a witness.  Having no family in town & being strapped for cash to pay a babysitter, we took Mahalia along.  We explained how it would go & packed a bag of toys to keep her occupied, so she was all set.

When the judge called Dan back into the courtroom, Mahalia & I were just a few steps behind, but the door got locked & we couldn't get through.  By the time someone buzzed us through, they had already gotten to the hearing room & we didn't know which one.  So we had to find someone to show us where to go & let us through another round of security. 

Once we got in the door - the judge went into a rage.  He insulted us & told us to get out - that he didn't need us or our testimony.  So out we went.  No one had said that children weren't allowed - none of the paperwork or people behind the desk.  And being a working class family without nannies, grandparents etc. we didn't have anyone to watch her.


As I took Mahalia back out into the waiting area, she kept asking me why we didn't get to see the judge & I didn't have a good answer.  Seems like the only people who "count" in society are the powerful . . . those with jobs, those with money, those with grey hair & fancy titles.  Women, children, and those who hold society together by the subtle service we provide to the world simply don't count. 


It was the second time in two days that I was reminded that I don't count as much as a man - and it sucked.

beauty of boredom

As a kid, I hated being bored - loathed it.  I almost drove my parents nuts whenever I was bored.  I spent the first 35 years of my life running so hard & so fast that I barely had time to drink life in & really enjoy it.  Then I got laid off . . . and became a stay-at-home mom (not my dream situation).  But I've come to see it as a gift.

Don't get me wrong - boredom ain't glamorous.  There are dishes, meals, laundry, errands, tantrums & more dishes, meals, laundry etc.  However, I've had more time to think this past year than I can remember ever having had before. I have had time to drink life in & savor each day.  I no longer have to run from appointment to appointment.  I no longer rush my daughter, my hubby or myself around.  There is enough time.

And what's even better is that I've had time to discover my own inner life.  I've had time to think, reflect, feel pain, and make actual changes instead of remaining perplexed by the world & dynamics that surround me.  I think this must be one of the great gifts of life - enough time to be bored occassionally.

firsts

So this week will mark two new firsts for us as a salsa instructors . . . our first private lesson & our first wedding!  Can't wait to see how they go!!!

rave reviews

Father's Day 2010 went like this:

• let Dan sleep in until 11
• woke him up with a card specially picked out (& decorated) by Mahalia
• gave him his gift: Toy Story 2
• took him out to eat BBQ
• watched a documentary during nap time
• watched Toy Story 2 with Mahalia in afternoon

Dan mentioned a bunch of times during the day how great Father's Day was . . . glad such a simple day got such rave reviews!

$1 well spent

My friend, Erin, is one of my most favorite people. I love her for many reasons - let me list a few:

she's smart, honest & says what she thinks in a really uplifting way
she's reliable & fun to be around
she's a great conversationalist
she understands "the struggle" (there are a few of mine she can relate to)
she's not totally wrapped up in motherhood (ie. she has lots of other interests & things to talk about)

But the other day . . . I loved her for two new reasons. #1: she made us whole grain, chocolate chip pancakes with strawberries & whipped cream! and #2: she came up with this great idea to keep the girls entertained:

Yep - that's right . . . a $1 can of shaving cream kept the girls (& us) entertained for 1/2 hour. Pure bliss!

soooo not worth it

On Friday morning, I got ambitious. Earlier in the week, I had bought some beads for Mahalia's hair & decided that Friday was the day to try them out.

As usual, we washed her hair & combed it out . . . so far, so good. Then I popped in Toy Story (her new favorite movie, with what she calls "Bugs Life Year" instead of Buzz Lightyear :-) and started to part out the hair. I got everything sectioned off & mostly braided. But then it was time for yoga, so she went looking 1/2 crazy (or rather, her mother did).

Once we got back, it took another hour & a half. By the time all was said & done, it took a total of 3 hours, two run throughs of Toy Story & all of Mahalia's patience. She was BEGGING me to stop at the two hour mark - but by then we were so invested. So another round of torture later . . . and here's the final product. Not bad, but soooo not worth it!

i don't love god any more

Today, over coffee with a girlfriend, I said something that shocked me. We were talking about seasons where doubt, pessimism & darkness creep (or sometimes JUMP) into the soul.

We were sharing stories of feeling forgotten by God - and about wondering if/when we'd ever come out of the mystery of it all - back into the coveted place where things make sense & faith is easy.

I was talking about how much love I feel from God after such a long time in the dark. The irony is that I'm doing so much less for God. I'm not a part of any ministry teams. I don't have regular devotional times. Hell, I don't even go to church regularly. I'm pretty much the poster child of what a "good Christian" should NOT be (including my politics). But I'm closer to Jesus than I've ever been before, cuz He's stripped away all of my "efforts" to prove my love to Him. As it turns out, I'm His kid & that's enough.

Then, with tears in my eyes, I said, "The great part is that I don't love God any more than I did 8 years ago, but I've begun to grasp just how much He loves me."

first time

I taught my first salsa class solo last night. My partner was super sick & couldn't talk . . . so it was either cancel or do it solo. So solo I went.

Though I spent well over a decade as a tennis coach, there was something particularly nerve wracking about teaching a partner dance by myself. I called my sister (a life long teacher) on the way for some solace. She gave me really good advice. She said, "Just remember, no matter how nervous you are, they are 3 times more nervous. Besides, you know what you are doing, and it's about them learning, not you."

So I showed up with sound system, CD, remote control (so I wouldn't have to walk across the room to start/stop the music), and dancing shoes. I mustered up all of the courage I had. Then . . . only two women were there. And they were new. Where were my veteran students? Oh yeah . . . Lakers are in the finals. Crap! So ten minutes later, it was just me & 8 women.

But it turned out PERFECT. I was able to focus just on the ladies & not having to teach the men's part. We did footwork, styling, and a few combinations. By the end, we had a really long combination worked out & they had a ball. There were four new women & they all said they'd be back next week.

And to celebrate . . . I went out & danced :-)

girls weekend

My good friend, CyBelle, was in town this weekend & it was SO MUCH FUN!

We got to eat good food, watch Sex and the City 2, visit with friends, chat at length, celebrate Keyanna's birthday & just catch up. On our first night together, Mahalia was devastated to not have been invited to girls night. So Dan was kind enough & the girls were gracious enough to let her come by for desert.

Happy Birthday Keyanna!

Thank God for girlfriends!!!

first prayer

Mahalia's first prayer a couple of weeks ago went went like this . . .

"Thank you Jesus for the food

. . . for family

. . . for my new bike

. . . and for Terrell. Amen."

Man, I love kids!

(And, yes, Terrell is really great. I can see why she loves him so much!)