humanity

Today I'm feeling my humanity. Found out that a close family member has been diagnosed with a terminal illness - a very unpleasant one that includes extreme memory loss, along with other (not so pleasant) ailments too. So I've been (again) all over the map emotionally. I've gone from completely numb to extremely sad. One minute I'm fine & the next I feel like I won't be able to stop crying.

Called a good friend on the phone today. She has been down this road too many times for someone our age, so I asked for some wisdom about what to expect & how to handle it. She had good advice & was very kind. We talked about the particular challenges of parenting while grieving & she reminded me that it's my job to teach my kid how to be human, not perfect - especially in the midst of life's unexpected curveballs.

So today, I press into my humanity . . . not perfection.

all over the map

The holidays are interesting . . . interesting in the awkward kinda way. I find myself experiencing lots of emotions during the holidays.

This particular year, we didn't have the finances to buy gifts, so I've had a lot more time than usual on my hands (time that is usually consumed by finding, wrapping & giving gifts) to spend with people. And as I've listened to my friends' hearts, my own heart has been all over the map today. Just within the last 48 hours various people have shared all kinds of things . . .

• friends found out that their adoption is official & will bring home their new daughter soon
• another friend's friend died of breast cancer - she wasn't even 40 years old
• a family member has been given a very grim medical diagnosis
• another family member experienced real freedom by spending the holidays alone
• a friend decided to move back close to us!
• another friend is looking for work & isn't sure where she'll end up in two weeks
• another family member is considering going on disability
• another friend just finished a work assignment that was the most meaningful she's ever had
• another friend wishes for all of the things I have
• another friend's 18 year old daughter considers her dead & hasn't spoken to her in 7 months

Life is interesting & I find that the holidays bring out ALL of the emotions - the real highs & the real lows . . . seems like life gives us a healthy dose of both.

the frig

Remember back when we were kids & our parents would proudly display our accomplishments on the refrigerator? Things we'd done would magically appear on the frig - things like report cards, school projects & crafts we'd made. We were so proud & felt so good about ourselves. I think it's a great tradition.


I've been giving "the frig" lots of thought as I parent. What things do I want my daughter to recognize as special accomplishments? Typically we hang things on the frig that other people can see & applaud. But I think I want to celebrate some other things with her - things that others may not be able to see. Things like . . .

• knowing what she really enjoys doing & doing it with zest
• knowing her limits & living within them
• being able to recognize her emotions
• recognizing how her physical body is feeling in any given moment
• being who she really is

Anyone else wanna hang something different on the frig?