a nerve

Something happened yesterday that really hit a nerve. It's the kind of thing where you don't see it coming . . . totally cool one minute & side-swiped the next. Knocked the wind of out me.

This morning, I found myself unable to sleep & really tearful over something that "seems" so insignificant. So I began to ask myself the question, "What's REALLY going on here?" As I reflected, and opened a book that I recently got (The Seven Desires of Every Heart - which I highly recommend, by the way), it occurred to me that the "insignificant" thing is actually very significant when I look deep into my soul.

One of the desires of every heart is to be chosen - chosen in different ways. And yesterday, I was excluded. It hurt more than I imagined it could.

called out

The love parents have for their children is a powerful & creative force. No matter if you are a biological, adoptive, step or god parent, there is something magical about the love parents have for their kids. It's the kind of love that grows to match the requirements of the day.

I think back to last week when I didn't even hesitate to catch my daughter's vomit in my hands . . . didn't even think twice. Just did it. Gross! Disgusting!!! I wouldn't do it for anyone but her. There are lots of things that we parents wouldn't do for anyone else. It's a testament to just how powerful a force love can be.

That love calls forth life itself. The love in my heart called out for my daughter's life. And that same love calls out for her every day . . . in words, snuggles, gifts, food and time together. It makes me wonder just how much God loves me. His love was enough that it called forth my life.

it's good to have a La La

Everyone should have a La La.

A La La is someone who loves you like crazy, does fun stuff with you, takes you cool places, remembers your birthday, attends special events, etc. In other words, a La La is someone who just thinks you're the best & does their best to make sure you know it.


They hang on your EVERY word . . .



And they pay attention to you . . . even when you're not . . .









La La (in Mahalia's world) is also known as Angela. And in this instance, La La is known for her knowledge of & enthusiasm for the kiddie rides at the Mall of America. And if your name is Mahalia & you LOVE this side of La La.

I love La La too - for all of the same reasons as Mahalia does, and a few more. I love her for the way she listens & remembers. I love her for her generosity of heart & her ability to really see your heart. I love her for keeping it real, for challenging herself, and for the way integrity is manifested in her life.

We love you La La!

moved in

Since I've stopped working, I've decided to really "move into" our house.

I took it upon myself to clean up the back "yard" (we'll call it that, though it's just a fenced in dirt patch :-). Mahalia plays out there every day & calls it "my back yard" . . . which is exactly what I wanted. I hoped that it would be a fun & safe space for her to play outside. It's hilarious watching her drag all of her blankets & stuffed animals out back for a good snuggle.

Then I wanted to create a memorial of sorts . . . a space to commemorate all of the hard internal work I've done over the past two years. So I re-arranged a few things in our bedroom to create a quiet place for me to read. Hung above the chair are a few sacred things:

A plaque from my parents that says, "Dance like no one is watching . . .
A picture of me at my 36th birthday party . . . dancing.

A small cross from my sister that has a picture of Jesus holding one lamb: me.

Each piece is a symbol of love: God's love for me & of the love of those around me. I am deeply grateful have moved into my own heart & my own home.

no comment

So I haven't gotten a single comment on the last 12 blogs. Hmmmm . . . . what does this mean? Does it mean anything?

Why am I blogging? Is it simply to record my thoughts as an electronic "diary" of sorts? Is it to share thoughts? Is it to connect? Or is it for some kind of virtual validation that my life matters? If it is, do the comments matter?