will i or won't i . . . ?

So we've been here five days now.  I think it's about time I go out dancing.  It's snowing.  I wanna go.  I'm tired.  I'm feeling kinda shy tonight.
Will I go, or won't I? 

a clicker & three states

Woke up at 4:45am yesterday & popped out of bed.  I was so excited to be driving to my new home, I couldn't wait until my usual 6am wake up time!  Same thing happened this morning.  I guess I'm a little excited.
 With my parents' help, I packed the car quick & was on the road before eight.  As I backed out of my folks' driveway for the last time (as a resident) I noticed the dent of the returned "clicker" (aka: garage door opener) on the sun visor.  It was bitter-sweet.  For the last 7 months I have had the incredible privilege of living in their home & being surrounded by their love & generosity.  It was an incredible refuge during the most difficult of times.  What a gift to know them this way.  I will be forever grateful for those few months together, and will miss the daily-ness of living life together.



Mahalia with Grandpa & Chester



Mahalia & I spent the next eight hours on the road.  The trip went by really fast.  Eight hours (and three states) wasn't nearly enough time to process all that has transpired this last year.  And it certainly couldn't fit all that I dream for the future. 

I got to be near for the birth of my new nephew!

the other side

The last seven days have been full - finished my job & said goodbye to all of my co-workers, had Mahalia's going-away party, finished packing, put it all in the POD, cleaned & rearranged the house for my Mom, packed the Civic to the gills & drove 411 miles to get to our hotel, started a job, and are living out of our suitcases (literally).

Dan's new office!  Can't wait to decorate it!!!

The great news: Dan LOVES his new job!  Haven't seen him this excited in eleven years.  Does my heart good.  More great news: got to spend lots of time with my kiddo (it's been a while since that happened).  And more great news yet: after viewing 13 places over the last 3 days, we've finally landed on two places that are worth paying the credit check fee for!  We walked in & both felt like they could be our home. 

Tomorrow, we repack (or re-stuff) the car & drive back to MN.  Dan preaches at a church & speaks at a local college, while M & I get to play with friends & family.  Then on Tuesday, we drive back here again . . . hopefully with a lease in hand!!!

I asked Dan this evening, "Now that you're on the 'other' side of this season, what does it feel like looking back over the last 10 years of struggle?"  We had an interesting reflection.  It's easy to romanticize the struggle while looking backwards.  But without a doubt, we have been the most broken, hurt & sad over these last eight months than we have ever been in the previous 37 years.  There has been such overwhelming, paralyzing loss that words on a screen can't even begin to touch it.

But after everything & EVERYTHING . . . we are finally on the OTHER side.  I'm still getting used to it.  The "it" being - having enough money, Dan having a full time job, and us being able to put our energy in a really great, new direction.  I am so very grateful that God and a handful of friends have been able to stand with us through a very long, painful & dark season - and see us all the way through to the "other" side.

home

We arrived in Chicago at 2:30am three days ago.  We stumbled our way into a local hotel & set up "home" - at least home for now.  We have been learning some of the major landmarks, but mostly drive around feeling a bit lost (thank God for iPhones! - seriously).
Yesterday we looked at five homes to rent.  None felt like home. 

Had a moment this morning - a moment of panic.  "What are we doing here with no place to live?  Who's going to rent to us?  Is this really gonna work out?  What am I gonna do with a 5 year old in a huge city without a car or friends?  I feel lonely."  But then it hit me . . . we are OK.  There is no crisis.  God has brought us here . . . with a full time job in hand!  And there is enough money to see us through until we find a place.  We will be ok.

So with my modified outlook, I searched online for more places to live & made appointments to see them.  Then Dan headed off to work (at a job he's really excited about - yay!!!), while Mahalia & I played at the local park & enjoyed lunch around the corner.

As cheesy as it sounds, it's good to be reminded that home truly is where your heart is.  And my heart is thankful for a kind & faithful God, Dan, Mahalia, a new job & an incredible adventure!

momish

I've officially traded in my suit coats & heels for my comfy clothes.  I like to refer to them as my "Momish" clothes - things made of stretchy, soft, comfy stuff that you can do anything in - including chase my kiddo around the house.  In honor of my last day of work & my transition to Chicago, I bought myself a couple of new Momish things for the next season of life (& windy weather).

It's been really good to stretch my professional muscles & be reminded of just how much I love to contribute in a professional environment.  It's great to dig in, organize, hustle & make stuff happen.  And it was good to hear the affirmation of colleagues that I had, in fact, made a significant contribution.  I'm looking forward to taking all of my newly refined skills & using them for our own business.

Now on to the final days of packing & saying goodbye . . . all in my Momish clothes.