wisdom of 3 year olds

At times, I find myself frustrated when my kiddo can't keep the pace I want . . . errands, cleaning, visits with friends, getting work done etc.  

But this morning, it occurred to me that kids really know how to listen to themselves & their limits.  They know when they need to eat.  They know when they are sad.  They know when they are frustrated.  They know when they're done sharing.  And I know when she's just DONE period (aka: must get some sleep RIGHT NOW).

I think there's a lot to learn from them.  In some ways, life would be a whole lot more sane if we innately knew ourselves like kids do.

what's the difference?

Been chewing a question over & over again lately . . . what's the difference between having/exercising good judgment and being judgmental?

I've been witness to a few interesting decisions lately . . . decisions have been made that don't seem (at least from my point of view) to be made with good judgment.  In fact - quite the opposite.  The decisions made seem to have terrifying outcomes that are almost certainly inevitable.  But they've been made, nonetheless.  So from that point on, there's no point in being judgmental towards the decision. 

So here's my question to you: how do you exercise good judgment without being judgmental?  And what's the difference?

i will survive

I've recently witnessed a form of (what appears to me to be) a crazy competition.  

I refer to it as the, "Who Can Survive More in Life?" competition.  It seems to have a particular appeal to women . . . as we try to demonstrate our competency, our determination & our sheer ability to overcome whatever life throws at us.  There is a certain "badge of honor" we wear for our ability to do/be MORE of whatever comes our way.  We tend to white knuckle our way through life - relationships, parenting, jobs, social networks etc. as some sort of maneuver to demonstrate some sort of superiority.

While I used to subscribe to this particular competition (especially in my 20's) with absolute vigor, I no longer have any desire whatsoever to even participate (much less win).  I used to spend countless hours trying to prove my tenacity & worth (what I was trying to prove, I'm not sure).  But now, I find it exhausting to even enter the competition - which I find hilarious (since once upon a time, I was the queen of this comical competition).

Though this competition takes many forms, here are my top three favorites:

• "I can work harder & accomplish WAY more than you"
• "I have more kids & that's better than your one (who still naps - you slouch)"
• "I can withstand far more stress in my life than you can"

YEP!  It's true.  You win.  And I'll be happy to let you :-)

simple pleasures

This morning I was thinking about the things I enjoy most . . . the simple pleasures of life.  

Here are a few of mine . . . 

• a cup of coffee (my new fav is Starbucks' salted carmel mocha) & conversation
• a good pedicure (with a fun design!)
• a dance - especially if it comes with a solid dip at the end
• hearing my daughter's full-on belly laugh when something strikes her funny
• a quiet dinner at home with Dan
• a vigorous workout
• watching the neighborhood kids play together in the street
• reading a book
• taking a nap
• a picked-up house (including the bed being made)
• a challenging thought, book, or blog - the kind that make me change
• visiting family & friends (either going to them or them coming to us)
• when my daughter asks to pray for someone

perks

So one of the few perks of living far away from family is that you find people who become like family.  Part of our circle of friends are our neighborhood kids.  We have the kids over to play or we play in the street with them almost every day.

Today we had an impromptu round of street baseball that turned into a park run & McDonald's playland adventure.  All 10 of us (me, Dan & 8 kids) piled into our two 15 year old cars & made our way to the park - happily crammed together.  

Years ago, I dreamed of having a house full of kids to love . . . and now I've got it.  And I get to share it with my best friend.  It makes my heart so very glad.

so much kindess

Usually when folks visit LA, they think of it as huge, impersonable & a bit hostile.

Yesterday, Mahalia & I took the train to Los Angeles to meet with a friend.  We rode on four different trains & use 8+ elevators on our trip.  Train etiquette requires mostly quiet and no eating (which is tough for a snack-y kiddo).  On one train in particular, we were just PACKED in - rush hour & everyone trying to get back home.  

I was so impressed.  Perfect strangers (who I imagine even spoke different languages - cuz all we did was smile & nod) played with Mahalia.  One young man endlessly made faces & pushed her "ticket" back & forth between the seats.  Others held the elevator door as we got our bulky stroller (crammed with crap) in as quickly as a three (almost four) year old can go while checking out EVERY cool thing in the train station.

And it didn't stop there.  We visited the Tribal Cafe for dinner (their Filipino Chicken Adobo Panini is easily the BEST sandwich I've ever tasted).  Mahalia saw a set of microphones in the corner & was begging to sing.  Of course, I told her no, because in most places kids aren't allowed to do that kind of stuff.  But this place was different.  A kind woman walked over & asked if Mahalia wanted to sing.  OF COURSE she did!  

So Mahalia & Lady O belted out favorites like Twinkle Twinkle & the ABC's.  So much kindness in one afternoon.  Thank you LA - I love you!

subtle shifts

This fall is SO very different than last fall . . . in subtle ways.

LAST YEAR                                             THIS YEAR

Begging for grass                                     Re-seeding the grass (cuz some of it died)

Not so connected to community                Loving our new network of friends

I was adjusting to being a SAHM                Enjoy being at home & doing "mom" stuff

Eating healthy                                         Actually cooking 95% of food - & it's edible :-)

Editing Dan's book & waiting                    Book is out & signings are underway!
Mahalia was in Preschool                         Hanging out with Dan a couple mornings

Taking salsa classes                                 Teaching salsa classes

Trying to make new friends                     Really pleased with new circle of good friends

Pounding workouts                                 Yoga 

But then there are other things that remain the same . . . some fun . . . others not so much.  It's good to take stock & see how life changes & what each season brings.  

I'm especially looking forward to the "I just lost 25 more pounds" season . . . but apparently that one's not here yet :-)

belle tower

We've had such a fun October!  THREE aunties have come into town!!!

Our latest visit was from Auntie Belle.  She & Mahalia made towers with blocks EVERY day . . . lucky kid.  And I got to talk to auntie Belle every day . . . lucky me!

tea party

Tea Set

Mahalia's LaLa brought her the coolest tea party tea set EVER, so it was tea parties EVERY day that LaLa was here.  There were tea parties on the floor, in the kitchen, at the coffee shop and with the puppies!

With her LaLa

Tea Party

Checkin' out the pictures on Facebook

plus 1

My long-time friend, Angela, came into town for a wedding.  She stayed at our house & I got to be her "plus one" at a wedding - something I never get to do since we live on opposite sides of the country - so it was especially fun.  Our time together consisted of food (lots of it!), great conversation & driving to San Diego for the wedding.

Secret recipe peppermint
cookie crumbles

Being the thoughtful friend that she is, Ang remembered that I'd never had the chance to try her peppermint cookies (secret family recipe).  So she baked a batch & brought them for us to delight in.  Scrumptous!!!  I wish I had remembered to take a before picture, but I was so excited to eat them, that I totally forgot . . . so here's the crumbs left in the bag.

We headed to this FAB hotel - with the BEST comforters!

Our SUPER comfy beds

At the reception - enjoying some wine

Ang with the groom: Wes (congrats!)

Swork snacks

Thanks for coming friend - great to share grown up fun with you! 
I never tire of getting to know you better.

i will lift my voice

As we often do - we (my daughter & I) were singing in the car together - driving from one place to another.  She likes me to turn it up loud so she can sing in the back seat.

But last Friday was different.  She wanted me to play a certain song, but I couldn't figure out which one.  After repeating what I thought she was saying over & over, it was clear to me that we weren't hearing each other clearly.  So rather than continue our tearful communication, I pulled over & went through my iPod one song at a time.

"No mommy, that's not it."  "How about this one?" I asked.  "No!"

This went on for a few minutes until I finally hit the one.  I had only played it for her once before, but evidently it struck something in her.  It's called "I Will Lift My Voice" by Stephen Newby.  Since last Friday, we have listened to that song at least 80 times (and I'm NOT exaggerating).  Literally every time we have a spare moment, she wants to sing it.  So sing it we do.

After about the 15th time I realized this song was for me . . . and I realized I need it more than she does.  It's become our anthem during this season of life.  Mahalia - thanks for lifting your voice.  You bless me.

so much more

Marie Chante' Flowers came into town this last weekend.  She is mother to 3 boys (our godsons), sister to 4 other women, my daughter's godmother, a fellow traveler on life's journey of love, and an accomplished spoken word artist.  But most importantly (to me), she has been my friend for 14 years.

Te' was my friend when no one else wanted a white girl anywhere near them.  Let me explain - I moved into the south side of Minneapolis as a young, naive, arrogant, ignorant, fresh-outta-college white girl.  Don't get me wrong, I had a great heart & lots of energy to love those around me . . . but I was still young, naive, arrogant, ignorant & fresh-outta-college nonetheless.

On a regular basis, I would get cursed out by folks - frustrated with my ignorance (albeit naive ignorance, not the malicious kind of ignorance).  But Chante' loved me in spite of it all.  She walked with me through questions, misunderstandings, hurt feelings, frustration, the birth of her youngest two sons, my marriage, my move to California, the birth of my daughter, the birth of our dreams, and a lot of heartache in between.

She's still my friend - but she is so much more.  She is mother to my daughter.  She is an encourager of my dreams.  The has been a gentle shepherd of my soul.  She has been Jesus to me - the kind, patient, gentle, long-suffering Jesus who loves us "in spite of" . . . thank you Chante'.  I cherish you.