i don't love god any more

Today, over coffee with a girlfriend, I said something that shocked me. We were talking about seasons where doubt, pessimism & darkness creep (or sometimes JUMP) into the soul.

We were sharing stories of feeling forgotten by God - and about wondering if/when we'd ever come out of the mystery of it all - back into the coveted place where things make sense & faith is easy.

I was talking about how much love I feel from God after such a long time in the dark. The irony is that I'm doing so much less for God. I'm not a part of any ministry teams. I don't have regular devotional times. Hell, I don't even go to church regularly. I'm pretty much the poster child of what a "good Christian" should NOT be (including my politics). But I'm closer to Jesus than I've ever been before, cuz He's stripped away all of my "efforts" to prove my love to Him. As it turns out, I'm His kid & that's enough.

Then, with tears in my eyes, I said, "The great part is that I don't love God any more than I did 8 years ago, but I've begun to grasp just how much He loves me."